I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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