why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
