Non-Jews are for practice
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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