I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
