So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
