Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
