The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize