he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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