she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
