it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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