Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
