My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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