Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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