Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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