make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
