My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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