So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
