Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
