You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
