I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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