It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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