I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
