so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
