I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
