I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
