these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
