At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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i now understand why vodka
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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