it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
