Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize