dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
