nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
