At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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