I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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