i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
