she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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