apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
