You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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