I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't deserve a penis
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
