Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
