I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
