my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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