Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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