Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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