She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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