you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
