Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
