Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.

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  (913): Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns. http://tfl.nu/zzio
  Replies (33) Good night (1257) Bad night (3308)
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  (631): View more from New York

  if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

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  (631): if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you http://tfl.nu/ij50
  Replies (27) Good night (3418) Bad night (4180)
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  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

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  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7926) Bad night (1118)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.

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  (412): Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record. http://tfl.nu/e6sm
  Replies (8) Good night (4837) Bad night (912)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.

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  (214): What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky. http://tfl.nu/b98l
  Replies (21) Good night (857) Bad night (3884)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy

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  (973): Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy http://tfl.nu/3461
  Replies (5) Good night (2784) Bad night (1028)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station

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  (480): my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station http://tfl.nu/uhsm
  Replies (4) Good night (2022) Bad night (1285)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage

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  (248): No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage http://tfl.nu/6f8g
  Replies (1) Good night (554) Bad night (1388)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.

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  (512): I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position (1-512): I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed. http://tfl.nu/u3vm
  Replies (9) Good night (2425) Bad night (949)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment

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  (302): I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment http://tfl.nu/03jc
  Replies (9) Good night (1337) Bad night (686)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking

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  (787): Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking http://tfl.nu/wzvh
  Replies (3) Good night (1057) Bad night (607)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.

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  (605): Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer. http://tfl.nu/o6i1
  Replies (2) Good night (1317) Bad night (500)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell

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  (215): There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell http://tfl.nu/i2t1
  Replies (10) Good night (1939) Bad night (840)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml

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  (203): My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml http://tfl.nu/zovi
  Replies (5) Good night (370) Bad night (717)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not

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  (727): He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not http://tfl.nu/1t8s
  Replies (2) Good night (207) Bad night (442)

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