I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
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I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
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im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.