he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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