We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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