like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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