She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
