why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
