He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
