i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
