I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
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