Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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