I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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