Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
