i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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